Guardian soulhates part II - you're the One that I don't want...

Now, sometimes with internet dating, you can end up swamped. Especially if you've had the sense to put up your hottest photo (always do this, ladies, because men are sometimes a *bit* shallow...) so it was with that week. Then it was Easter, which is a 3-line whip in my family, so I was down in the country. Then there was some 3 day work thing that I had to go to every night, and so it happened that I ended up with nearly three week's gap between first suggestion to meet (after some witty email banter) and the actual date, with an internet boy. 

So, I gave him my number. Missed the first call. Got the wittest, most charming voicemail. Called back. Spent 2 hours on the phone. From that point on, we spoke almost every day, interspersed by more witty emails. The day before we were due to meet, he uttered the fateful words "I think this might be something really special. I've waited a long time to meet The One." [long pause]. "I mean. Well, I just think there's potential there."

Okaaaay. I thought. But heck, I'm not dating if not to meet someone special either, right? (I hadn't thought of blogging then, obv). So the next day I turn up for our date. We have a glass of wine, and then he looks at me, grins, and says "I took the liberty of booking a table at Wild Honey" (which had opened just days before to rave reviews). As we walked to the restaurant, he slipped his hand into mine, swung me towards him, and kissed me. It was great. The real life chat was nearly as good as it had been on the phone. Maybe not quite as good, though. And he was shorter in real life than I expected. But on we went. Dinner was delicious. I slightly ignored him being rude to the waiter. After all, he thought I was The One. He was probably just showing off, right?

The next date, he took me for oysters. And I took him home (I'd never tested the idea of whether oysters make you horny. I think they do. But then, almost everything makes me horny, so it's slightly hard to tell). He was filthy in the sack. Which was fun, obviously. He told me he was having the best sex of his life (what can I say? I'm good). But I just wasn't sure I was as into the whole thing as he was. In fact, I wasn't sure I even liked him that much. I worried about how I would tell him this. I literally fretted for DAYS. 

Until it occurred to me... it had been days since I had heard from him. More days passed. I got a text, asking me to meet him. Alright, I thought. Then he stood me up, claiming to have fallen asleep on his sofa, and turned up on my doorstep 2 hours later. Despite my misgivings, we went for a late supper, then fell into bed again. And the next more, he uttered the fateful words ... "I've been thinking, would you... would you like to be... f*ckbuddies?"

Well, I was about as underwhelmed as any girl ever has been with an offer like that. I thought back. He was short, aggressive, rude to waiters, and had stood me up. I wasn't that keen on him at all. But, in spite of this, I had to know... what had happened between our phone chats and this request to change his outlook? He blithely replied "Oh, as soon as I met you, I realised you wouldn't be The One. But it's nice to have someOne to sleep with while the search continues, right?"

Er. No. That way to the door, buddy. I need a shower. Stat.