Datiquette

Because, boys, there really ARE rules. As listed here:

1) Make a plan. No girl (specifically, me) likes to arrive at, e.g., London Bridge, only to be taken to a bar where there is nowhere to sit, and then to a restaurant where the lack of booking means you end up dragging around all the other restaurants in the area, only to end up at a chain restaurant across town.  If you are in doubt of a plan, ask one of your female friends, for godssakes.  Or, if in London, try www.squaremeal.co.uk, www.london-eating.co.uk, and/or www.viewlondon.co.uk

2) Be original. There's nothing wrong with dinner and drinks, but you might want to try and be memorable. For good reasons. Though perhaps a little background work too - don't take her to a funfair if she's scared of large teacups, etc. For decent ideas of where to go, try the city blogs - www.metrotwin.com, www.londonist.com etc

3) Old-fashioned charm goes a long way. Hold the door open, pull her chair back for her so she can sit down, compliment her on her outfit. In short, make her feel feminine. And if it's a first date, then for heaven's sake, pay. You can go halves next time around, but otherwise it looks like you're a cheapskate. Sorry, but it does. Plus you probably earn more than her - the glass ceiling does still exist after all. So suck it up. She'll think you're generous. And generous in public suggests generous in the sack, boys. (On which note, if you're not generous in the sack, you have even more work to do at this stage). If she insists on going half, or indeed paying for the whole first date, it's a firm indication that she does not want to sleep with you.

4) Kiss her. If she lets you pay, you get on well, and there is flirting, then do swoop in and kiss her. Nothing worse than a brilliant date followed by an awkward pat on the shoulder. Also, on this note, it is actually OK to sleep together on the first date. Categorically. You can then resort to a bit more restraint if you like, but first date night - anything goes. This could be the springboard to something special. Make it memorable. And by memorable, of course, I mean orgasmic.

5) Call her. And by call, I don't mean TEXT. Just pick up the phone and damn well tell her you want to see her again. Because otherwise she already thinks you don't. Most girls don't like game-playing. But the thing they like even less? Laziness. Oh, and cowardice. You can pre-game your call with a text, I'll allow that. But just call her within 3 days. If she likes you, and you like her, it'll be worth it.

And there we have it. Five simple rules to dating success. It seems so obvious. But at the risk of ranting... WHY THE F*CK DO SO FEW GET IT RIGHT? Sigh. Point 5 causing me the most issues this week. Though said boy (who we shall call the Politico) was also responsible for the date scenario laid out in Point 1, so perhaps it's not the end of the world... Also had to explain this info to The Ex, who is currently on the market again. He seemed genuinely surprised. Which spurred me on. These rules need to be laid out somewhere. For the Good Of Womankind.